Goldzilla terrorizes the Brewers

Over this past weekend, a peaceful town in Southeastern Wisconsin was viciously and unexpectedly attacked by a radioactive monster known as Paul Edward Goldschmidt. The lives of the good people of Milwaukee were changed forever, but this is nothing new when Goldzilla comes to town.

Paul Goldschmidt’s numbers against the Milwaukee Brewers have always been historically ridiculous. When you add in what he did over the course of this weekend – specifically what he did in the 17 inning marathon on Sunday – you can see why the Wikipedia page for the Brewers was temporarily changed to reflect Goldschmidt as the team’s owner.

When the series started Friday, it was a mediocre day in the life of The Goldy. He went just 3 for 5 and scored two runs in a D-Backs 7-5 win. Nothing spectacular. He was just trying to hit the ball hard.

On Saturday, it’s amazing that any staff members were able to prepare Goldschmidt’s equipment. For his bat had the properties of the mighty Mjolnir of Thor that was forged in the heart of a dying star and can only be wielded by he who is worthy! Goldschmidt smashed two home runs in game two, once again going 3-5 with two runs scored, and tallied four RBIs. Arizona wins by a score of 7-3.

But Sunday, number 44 solidified his place in baseball lore by becoming the first player in MLB history to get three hits and three intentional walks in the same game. He went 3 for 4 with one home run, one RBI, and four walks.

After what they saw over the course of the weekend, Craig Counsell and the Brewers were not going to let Goldschmidt beat them in the extra innings finale. And they didn’t, as Milwaukee won the final game in 17 innings by a score of 7-6.

If you’re keeping score, that’s nine hits in fourteen at bats for a .642 average with three home runs, four walks, and five RBIs. And all he was trying to do was just hit the ball hard.

More importantly, the historic Goldzilla terrorization of the Brewers continues. His career best average against any team in baseball increases to .429 in 98 ABs, with eight home runs and twenty RBIs in 22 games against Milwaukee.

But what about his numbers at Miller Park? Goldy SMASHES in his official home away from home, averaging .510 in Wisconsin with seven of his eight home runs against the Brew Crew happening in their house. Good thing for Bernie Brewer he doesn’t have to slide for away batters. This is Paul Goldschmidt’s highest batting average at any opponent’s home field.

Maybe they’ll just pitch around him next time.

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